Well, Johndh, if you wouldn't mind, I would start to eat your story up:
Long ago, the people of Rinarn were divided into two peoples.[...]
VS
Lanto people (i.e. Sun faction) [...] Since the people of Rinarn (i.e. Moon faction)
Now let's get one thing straight: we don't know this universe very well, we don't know now, that the Moon faction consist of the Wild Ones, and the High-born, or they are separate factions. From the first paragraph, I thought they are the Moon, but what I quoted second time, it isn't sure.
Okay, sorry if some things are unclear. I don't have most of my ideas written down and I only meant to do a summary, without including too much about the characters or the details, but it seems that you want that, so here goes.
So: Rirarn(aka Moon)=Wild ones and High-born
Yes, this one is correct.
The Wild Ones were as unruly as wild beasts, but strong and fearless, while the High-Born were wise and industrious.
How could these different civilizations exist near each other for more than 5 years? They are like water and fire. They would at least a., kill each other b., share each others civilization (like romans to germans).
The two groups do intermingle a little bit, and each has aspects of the other, but overall they are separate cultures. Their coexistence is mostly peaceful and in most places they live separately. The village of Two Rivers is one of the few places where they live side-by-side.
I haven't seen any other nations so far (you mentioned earth and sky sometime before), so I don't really understand, how could only two nations have problem with each other (they both have enough land, right?).
The reasons why the Lanto want to expand their territory will become more clear at a later date. I really want to complete Earth and Sky eventually, but they have been put on hold until I'm done with Sun and Moon.
Yandol is from a Wild One mother, while Dafuin's mother is a High-Born,
And where was their father from?
I left out a lot of character details, so here's what I have written down for their father: "Originally from the village of Black Orchard, the brigand Yeoder and his band of ruffians seized control of Two Rivers almost three decades ago. Although he was once a mighty warrior, at over fifty years of age, the chieftain's body and mind are starting to fail him. The bastard son of a Wild One and an unnamed High-Born man, Yeoder was shunned during his youth for being a "mutt" and became a notorious robber as a result. Despite once being both an outcast and a criminal, he has proven to be wise and just and Two Rivers has thus far prospered under his rule." Yeoder's mother is Basha the Hag, who will have a minor role in the campaign.
The story begins with some strange things happening in the wilderness near the village of Two Rivers. Chieftain Yeoder tasks his son Yandol with finding the source of the troubles. Somehow, possibly through prophecy or fortune-telling, the brothers Yandol and Dafuin come to find out that the Lanto people (i.e. Sun faction) are planning an invasion. Since the people of Rinarn (i.e. Moon faction) are mostly squabbling tribes, they need to be united so they can put up a good fight, so Yandol and Dafuin basically play the role of Vercingetorix here.
What do you mean strange thing, which needs to be investigated by the Chieftain's son himself? How does Dafuin get there? Why does the Sun faction attacks them (and where did they got their name from?)?
Strange things like monsters, dismembered bodies, groups of strange cultists, etc. I haven't worked out all the details, but it should all point to the organization that is behind all of the trouble, which will become more clear later on. (I'm not just going to give it away yet.
) Yandol, being the chieftain's son, has a minor leadership role and, being the village's Shaman, is more likely to be able to figure out what's going on since it involves things of the occult. Dafuin is supposed to be building up a base camp, but he knows that his brother can be rash and reckless at times, so his men and he arm themselves and go to tag along with Yandol's group, trying to keep them out of trouble. The Lanto are a desert-dwelling nation who worship the sun goddess Elondra, so they are called the people of the Sun. They were once a large and mighty empire but over the ages they've dwindled down and been broken apart and they want to restore their former glory. This is somewhat akin to Italy under the rule of Benito Mussolini, who wanted to make his nation like the Roman Empire.
If Moon consists from Wild Ones and High-born, then
Why didn't the High-born united the others long time ago, if they are so wise and intelligent? I can't really imagine, that the High-born couldn't show some resist against the Sun, since they would be annihilated by the Wild Ones long time ago.
At this point, the Rinarn can identify as a nation, but the area is mostly wilderness and the people are divided into many tribes and villages. They've been united before, but it never lasts long.
And why would the people follow Yandol and Dafuin?
There are a few neighboring tribes that are willing to follow them early on. Because of their father's reputation as a strong warrior and a good leader, they command a good amount of respect in that area. They'll need to do something really great to get the rest of the people to follow them, though.
What will be the great deed which makes the people follow them?
or perhaps the moon god Vaydrin himself, who led a united Rinarn nation to victory against a common enemy.
1. If you writing the story, you should be objective. You are the one who should know that it's a legend, or a real thing. But the people in your stories shouldn't know every fact about the world.
2. So what's with this relic, what was posessed by the moon god, and not in the hands of the Wild Ones (?) High-born?
3. Why is Rirarn in such a danger, if they can unite against a common enemy? (It's very popular method IRL too.)
1. I was just throwing out ideas when it comes to who the relic was actually used by, as I haven't really finalized it yet, but I think it will have been used by some great hero who united the Rinarn against the Lanto back when they were a big empire.
2. I'm not sure what the relic is yet. It's probably either some sort of weapon or a banner. Since a banner probably wouldn't hold up against the wear-and-tear of time, I'm leaning more towards a weapon. When the hero united Rinarn and led them against the Lanto, he brought ruin to a lot of their empire and won a lot of battles, but eventually died invading the capital city, Horizon. That's why the relic is held there.
3. They haven't united in a long time. Divided, they could be an easy target.
Where the two paths really diverge is when the brothers get to Horizon.
All alone? Don't forget, that the people don't support them at this time (that's why they are going there!)
They can either simply retrieve the weapon and flee the city, hoping that when they get back home the Lanto will not want to invade a strong and united nation, or they can invade and try to destroy the city, giving the Lanto a preemptive bloody nose but guaranteeing that they will invade no matter what.
Oh, so they weren't united, and that was the only reason for Sun to attack Rirarn? And if they destroy the Lanto's capital city, (still all alone!) Lanto people will surely attack Rirarn? Why? Since they already lost much of their power, in a war without any normal reason, they will simply march into their own desperate death?
They're not going there alone. They have the warriors from Two Rivers as well as the few neighboring tribes that were loyal to them in the beginning. The Lanto really aren't expecting an attack on their capital. It would be something like when Hannibal crossed the Alps and attacked the city of Rome. Nobody expected Hannibal to cross the Alps, and they aren't expecting Yandol and Dafuin to venture that deep into the desert either. The Lanto have lost a lot of their former power, but they're still pretty big and they still have a pretty strong army, so destroying their capital wouldn't cripple them, but it would hurt them enough that they would really want revenge. The destruction of the World Trade Center launched two wars just by itself. Imagine what would happen if the city got burnt to the ground instead. We'd be talking about World War 3! Also, Horizon is a major religious center so the Lanto queen would have the support of the High Matron (you can think of her as the pope) to attack Rinarn.
That's all I found for now, but don't forget, more eyes see more!
Oh, and thanks for allowing me to look into your work.
You're welcome, and thanks for the critique.
