Lets eat, Grandpa.
Lets eat Grandpa.
Bad grammar kills.
LOL, this is priceless. Here's a few:
'I plan on living forever, so far, so good'
'The world is in a continuous race. Man keeps trying to making things idiot proof, while nature keeps trying to make better idiots. So far, nature's winning'
'Make something idiot proove, and someone will find a better idiot'
'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
'Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead'
'I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass'
'You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her, and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.'
'3 ways to catch a TIGER:
1:- NEWTON METHOD:- let tiger catch you. Every action has equal and opposite reaction. u can catch tiger as
observed.
2:- EINSTEIN METHOD:- run in opposite direction to tiger. According to theory of relativity tiger will run fast and
get tired and then you will be able to catch it.
3:-According to most efficient POLICE METHOD:-Catch a CAT and torture it till it agrees that its the TIGER.'
'You know you drank too much when you realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge'
'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much'
'Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, and they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. '
'When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty'
Imageshack.us is the BEST! I use it for all my images. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than that. Unless you are some nut uploading multi-petrabyte pictures of the world to scale, this should cover everything.
I am a bit frustrated with mediafire lately too, but this is because of uploader woes, which unfortunately seem more linked to my internet than my site.
BTW, I found this good joke the other day. It cracked me up, though the easily offended or strongly religious might be offended by it. Take heed:
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the
closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in,
agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again,
places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin
and ask for forgiveness,"
the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here,
isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
